by Nolan D, certified real life Person With Borderline™ (srsly, why would you trust sources written by neurotypicals????)
if you have bpd or you’re interested in learning how to be helpful to ppl with bpd, this is for you!!
i wrote this guide because my family and friends were having some trouble understanding bpd/helping me feel better. i tried to make it customizable, so feel free to add to it, remove things, or change things to suit your unique Borderline Experience™ (but pls don’t alter this actual post it will hurt my feelings. copy/paste friends).
like/reblog if you decide to use it or find it helpful pls, so that i know if i’m being useful!
What is BPD?
BPD is a cluster B personality
disorder, along with antisocial, narcissistic, and histrionic personality
disorders. Cluster B disorders are distinguished by dramatic, highly emotional,
and/or erratic behavior. Borderlines are characterized by rocky interpersonal
relationships, extreme emotions, issues with self-image, and trouble with
impulse control. We may also experience symptoms associated with mania and/or
psychosis.
What am I going through as a person with BPD?
- Intense
emotions and mood swings
- Inappropriate
and/or unreasonable anger and irritability
- Impulsive
and risky behavior, can include: spending excessive amounts of money, taking
too many drugs, drinking too much, promiscuity, and self-harm
- Predisposition
to addiction
- Difficult
and intense relationships, often full of arguments, conflict, and breakups
- Higher
probability of being abused and/or raped
- Sudden
intense episodes of anxiety, depression, and mania-like behavior
- Feelings
of self-hatred, often resulting in suicidal thoughts and behavior
- Hallucinations,
including auditory, sensory, olfactory, and visual
- Delusions,
particularly an obsessive fear and belief that people are going to abandon me
- Extreme
need for attention in order to feel that I am worthy of living
- Unstable
self-image and lack of consistent personality/identity, often resulting in
mimicking the behavior and personalities of fictional characters and real-life
loved ones
- Excessive
self-criticism
- Feelings
of emptiness
- Awareness
of/guilt because of destructive behaviors, but feeling unable to stop
- Dissociative
states under stress, in which I feel a disconnection from my body and from
reality
- Unstable
goals/aspirations
- Tendency
to interpret the emotions of others as overwhelmingly negative
- Paranoia
that people hate me or are annoyed by everything I do
- Idolizing
people I’ve just met
- Fear
that I am faking my symptoms, no matter how severe they are
- Fear
that I am being manipulative or abusive
- Possessiveness
of loved ones
- Constant
need for reassurance
So how can you help me?
- Offer
frequent unprompted reassurance that
you love me, are not annoyed by me, and are not going to leave me/stop
supporting me. If I have to ask for this reassurance, I will feel that I have
manipulated you into giving it and will be unable to believe what you say.
- Respect
that I need to be given space sometimes, and comforted at other times. I need
space if I seem to be pushing you away or shutting down. Tell me that you will
be available if I need you so that I won’t feel abandoned, then leave the
situation. I need comfort if I am clinging to you or refuse to leave you alone.
- Never tell me that I’m overreacting. It is not my fault that I experience extreme
emotions.
- Do
not threaten punishment for impulsive behavior. This includes saying that you
will take me to the hospital if I continue. Offer to talk me through
it instead.
- If
you don’t have BPD, don’t tell me that you know how I’m feeling. You don’t.
Empathy is much appreciated, but if you say you can sympathize with me, I will
begin to feel distrustful of what you say.
- Never
say or imply that I don’t actually have BPD. I get enough of that shit from
myself.
- Hear.
Me. Out. No matter what I have to say. You don’t have to agree, just listen.
- Tell
me why I’m not a bad person. Have examples to back it up because I will likely
accuse you of empty compliments.
- If
I become unreasonably angry at you, be aware that I will feel incredibly guilty
and remorseful later. When that happens, accept my apology and move on if you
are able to.
- Never
tell me to “just stop” doing something destructive. I guarantee that if I could
stop, I would have already. Instead, gently ask me things like “Why do you think
you’re doing this?” + “Do you think it is helpful for you?” + “How is it
helpful? How is it not helpful?” If I am in a panic state/dissociative state
and answer with “I don’t know!”/refuse or am unable to provide an answer,
please determine if I need to be given space or comforted, and act accordingly.
- When
I dissociate, I often appear zoned-out, distracted, or dead-eyed. I may be
unable to see you, hear you, or speak to you. A gentle touch on the shoulder
may or may not snap me out of it. Stay with me and make sure I don’t do
anything dangerous until I come back to reality.
- Do
not judge me for my actions, and especially do not imply that I am being a bad
person. Do not try to make me feel guilty for anything, no matter what.
Instead, gently ask questions about my behavior, and try to understand the
underlying cause.
- Use
lots of words with positive connotations when speaking to me.
I will try my best to provide more
advice on how to help me as I learn more about my disorder myself! Thanks for
taking the time to read this, and be aware that I’m not demanding that you do
any of these things, but rather I am asking you to do so because it will help
me be happier and healthier.
